Wednesday, 05 December 2007
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R.I.P
I feel terrible.
My mums a wreck..I mean theres nothing I can do..I am uncomfortable with the situation, I feel terrible because I am fine? Why am I fine its my nan..and shes never coming back ever..I have tears in my eyes now..But like when something distracts me,, I forget.. her body will be at my house and I am scared..I mean I dont know I just cant accept it and I feel terrible because I am not like my mum..she says she feels like somebodys got a hover and sucked her insides out..And I feel completely normal.
Am I right to be this way? When her body is here..I am scared and I dont know why..I mean I have never seen a dead body..But its my nans body..And I am just so confused I mean shes hasn't been in the right frame of mind for years..but she always remembers who I am. And I liked that.
The comfort is that shes with my grandad now.. But I still cant accept whats going on..it feels surreal. I am so confused.
Sorry to go on about it. But I feel like a fake..I can still laugh and joke but why? I know people say she would want you to be that way but how do they no? If I died I'd be upset if somebody who I loved weren't mourning
And I want to be there for my mum but I cant..Grieving is something I feel you do alone..and I just get uncomfortable with it all. I feel like I am attention seeking here but I am really not. I cant sleep now because I feel so terrible.
Michelle
xo
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Comments (1)
why is her body in your house haha what? i know how you feel though whenever somebody dies i never really feel sad about it, it's weird i only end up feeling bad about not feeling bad...... hmmmm